Monday 24 October 2011
Sunday 23 October 2011
Combating fear of failing
- “It is hard to fail, but it
is worse never to have tried to succeed” – Theodore Roosevelt
- “Never regret. If it’s good,
it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s an experience” – Victoria Holt
-
"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost
300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and
missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I
succeed" - Michael
Jordan
- No one likes to fail (I certainly don't and if you can point me towards someone who does I will be very surprised). However, sometimes no matter how hard you
try, you will fail. I entered psychology in order to 'help people.' Thus you might think this means that I always succeed. That my clients always like me and I always give them the correct therapy which helps them to feel better. I quickly learnt this is very untrue. Admittedly I must have been slightly self absorbed to think that I knew how to combat every single type of mental health issue and that the tools I'd learnt in my 23 years would be sufficient. However, by failing to help a client as well as I could, I learnt that sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you will sometimes fail. However, what was integral here was how I proceeded from this point. Sure, I had thoughts of giving up, questioning as to why I got into this crappy profession, telling myself how awful and incompetent at this job. These thoughts and feelings are normal, and are exactly the reason as to why people don't like failing. However, from consulting people more experienced than me, receiving feedback, and talking to my friends I learnt to manage this. This single moment influenced my counselling career. I had let my emotions overwhelm me with this certain client and impact on my decision making processes. The single most important thing I learnt here was to assess:is this a life and death situation? to take a deep breath, and formulate a plan with many options. Settle my physical reactions and then decide how I will proceed. I always learnt to accept that no matter what I do, I will sometimes fail, but the most important thing for me professionally is to learn from my mistakes. I also learnt that clients are not there to feed my ego and "like me", they pay me to do a job and whether they like me is irrelevant as long as I get the job done.
The following is some ways of coping with anxiety, particularly surrounding fear of failing. It has certainly helped me.
- It is sometimes easier to avoid a hard task due to fear of
failing in the short term; however this means you will never succeed in the
long term as unfortunately the only way to succeed is to fail.
- - The best thing to do is to learn from failure. If you don’t
do as well as you hoped, you can use this experience to learn what mistake you
made and how you can improve. Always get feedback from people and get help if
needed.
- - Everyone who has succeeded in life has failed many times.
This is because this is how you become great. No one is born perfect, and you
don’t always do what you are suppose to do in order to succeed. Sometimes other
factors get in the way such as relationships, emotions, tiredness and illness. These
happen to everyone and can lead to us not performing as well as we can.
However, you will never know how successful you can be if you never try. To never
try is to never reach your full potential. Its important to weigh up: never succeeding and
reaching your full potential vs trying, sometimes failing, learning from the
experience and using this to become successful.
- - We might try to relieve our anxious thoughts by avoiding a
difficult task. The anxiety of ‘failing’, ‘not being good enough’ and ‘what’s the
point', 'I’m not going to be successful’ can be enough to make us feel angry and
overwhelmed. As a result we give up and distract ourselves with other tasks. We
may tell ourselves that we don’t need to meet this challenge and its stupid
anyway. However, in the long term, this extends to our everyday life and
whenever we are faced with a challenge and become overwhelmed or frustrated; we
throw our hands up and avoid the task at hand as this relieves our initial
anxiety.
- However, to persist is the key, we may feel anxious, but we need to
notice our negative thoughts and find ways to combat them. For example we can
tell ourselves that “it will not be the end of the world if I fail”, “I don’t
know for sure what I have done is rubbish, I can only find out from handing it
up and getting feedback.” Most of the time, your anxious thoughts are what
makes the situation ten times worse, and if you can combat these thoughts and
finish the task then you will often be pleasantly surprised at the result. Its
important to weight up initial anxiety versus long term failures.
How do I do this?
The following information is from http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/what-is-catastrophizing/
\
- The first step to dealing with Catastrophizing is to recognize when you’re doing it.
The sooner you do this, the quicker you’ll be able to start focusing on
stopping it. It may be helpful to start recording your negative thoughts to
yourself on a pad of paper or little journal (or your PDA or such) that you
carry with you at all times. Write down what happened as objectively as
possible, what you thought about the situation, and then what your reaction or
behaviors were.
- Over a week’s time, you’ll begin to see a
pattern emerge of when you’re most likely to Catastrophize, and some of the
thoughts or situations that most likely lead to it.
- Now that you can see some of the direct cause
and effects of your thoughts, you can begin the work on changing them. Every time you now want to Catastrophize a
situation, you should answer yourself back in your mind:
“ "Crap, I already made a mistake on this report — I’ll never
finish it, or if I do, it’ll be so full of mistakes, it won’t matter. I’m going
to fail no matter what.”
“No, that’s not true. Everybody makes mistakes, I’m only
human. I’ll fix this mistake and just try and concentrate a little bit more to
try and do better in the future. No teacher is going to fail me for a mistake
or two in a report.”
- Stopping yourself from Catastrophising takes a lot of
conscious effort on your part, patience, and time. But if you try these few
steps and really start answering yourself back, these irrational thoughts that
serve no positive purpose will soon lessen in frequency and strength.
How does one keep up blogging?
I completely neglected my blog over the weekend. However in my defence we are having a family health situation so yes... I think thats a good enough reason anyway.
I've been thinking about how people keep up the motivation to blog, especially in the beginning when like myself they have no followers and very few readers. I have been researching as to how to get my blog out there, but realise there are so many people writing, how do I make mine one that people want to read and actually get something out of. If I do have any readers, could you please give me some feedback on what you think of my blog so far? I would very much appreciate it. The other thing is time, how does a person fit in work, exercise, mental stimulation (such as reading), socialising and now blogging into ones day? I think I have a lot to offer the blogging world, just need to keep on I think!!!!!
For a bit of light entertainment see below!!
For a bit of light entertainment see below!!
Thursday 20 October 2011
Reducing mental health stigma in the Defence Force.... can it be done??
This article is two of the many released today talking about the state of mental health in the Australian Defence Force. I was lucky enough to be one of the data collectors in this study which involved me talking to a large number of defence force members about their mental health prevalence.
Another article released by the ABC stated:
"The survey shows most of those surveyed have experienced an anxiety, mood or alcohol disorder at some stage in their lifetime - a figure significantly higher than in the Australian community as a whole.
The survey also shows the rate of suicidal behaviour is more than double that of the general community.
On his tour of Iraq, Ben Millman experienced traumatic bombings and shootings. The only psychological help he was offered was from an Army chaplain, and he was medically discharged in 2007.
"In those early years, I wished that I had a physical impairment because then people could have seen, people could have understood, but it was ... no-one can see your injury, no-one can see your pain," he said."
From conducting this study and listening to countless members of the defence force talk about the trauma they sustained from various deployments and how there was barely any help provided from them, I do not find the results of the study surprising. It is well known that those who suffer traumatic incidents have a strong chance of developing mental health problems such as post traumatic stress, depression or anxiety. Alcohol and drug use is also used as a coping mechanism for the horrible things which are seen at wars as the soliders are just sent straight back into society without any assistance after deployments and are suppose to go on living life as normal. This often leads to relationship breakdowns as their wifes (or husbands) try as hard as they can to empathise with their spouses, but at the same time cannot truly understand the trauma they have witnessed and why they are responding in such negative ways.
What is made worse is the Stigma surrounding mental health in the Australian Defence Force.
If you thought the stigma surrounding mental health was bad enough in general society, take an environment where you are trained to be tough, violent men who overcome their own emotions to do the job they need to do. Often people will think, "if you can't cope with war, why did you sign up to the defence force" and thus it is often the case that a person suffering from mental health illness will be medically discharged instead of being offered the support they need. It has also been questioned as to how confidential the information disclosed to the defence medical practitioners is.
However, when you think about it, just because you signed up for the ADF, does not make you immune to mental illness, particularly when you are put in situations of high stress. As much training as you can do will never prepare you for the reality of war, and unfortunately, this means that people find out the hard way the negative effects of trauma.
With the stigma so high and the lack of support from the ADF for mental illness, it is no wonder that these symptoms continue to worsen overtime and lead to suicidal thoughts. With the risk of losing ones job, most people see that the only option they have is to keep quiet and try and deal with their problems on their own by often using maladaptive coping strategies.
A more disturbing thought is to consider those suffering mental illness in the ADF who have not been deployed. Mental health prevlance in society has sky rocketed, thus it can only be assumed that a large proportion of people in the ADF will experience mental illness at one point in their lives. However, with the everlasting stigma of mental health in the ADF, lack of support and fear that one will lose their job or not be eligible for deployment if they reveal the difficulties they are having, these mental illnesses of course will only continue to strengthen in time and be harder to treat in the future.
I'm so glad this study has been conducted and does show that the ADF has a genuine interest in improving this situation. We can only hope that the suggestions are taken on board and effective strategies are implemented to address the issue properly.
Wednesday 19 October 2011
Other people's expectations
It seems as though we spend most of our lives trying to fit into other people's expectations. To be that perfect wife, mother, student, employee, daughter (and of course the equivalent for males) whose behaviour and characteristics fit each different person's specific beliefs and ideals. Is this a fair thing to put onto others? I know a person who had no expectations put onto him and thus failed to ever have the drive or motivation to succeed. And guess what, he lives a pretty happy life, in a dead end job, with absolutely no mental stimulation, hanging out for the weekend to go out to the pub. On one end I know he has amazing potential to succeed and is extremely intelligent, but at the same time I cant help thinking, is this person better off living in this state of ignorant bliss?
Our society and other people's expectations (particularly in my own situation) often drive a person to want to succeed. For example, my father (bless his soul, I give him a fair amount of grief but I love him) is of a Sri Lankan background. For anyone who knows anything about Asian fathers (or perhaps may have gained some recent insight into this from the recent Glee episode where Mike Chang received an A- which is the equivalent of an "Asian F"), then you know that unless you are a doctor or a lawyer, you're no one. Literally unless you receive an A, you may have well as received an F. So when I was 12 years old I went off to boarding school at a very academic school. Now this was a major shock for me, I'd always been academic but this was a whole new level of academia. In my first report, despite struggling big time, I managed to get a report of A's and B's. Which in a majority of families, the parents may have been quite happy with, especially given the massive life change I had recently undertaken. Well in my Dad's eyes, I was failing miserably, and unfortunately at this point in his life, he hadn't mastered how to hide these inner feelings of disappointment (luckily for my youngest brother, I learnt that an old dog can in fact learn new tricks). So I remember this point in time after my report had been received by my parents, and my Dad was not happy. He asked me to go for a walk with him, which I knew meant trouble. As we walked around the golf course, my Dad explained that the school I was attending was a very expensive one, and that he wouldn't see that he had got his moneys worth unless I received a score of 95 (so essentially 95% or more). Now being the influential type I was, I held onto this statement and did not let it go for a long time. I also suffered from ADHD and until I was diagnosed and treated, I struggled with motivation and attention which reflected in my marks despite my best efforts. At the end of year 12, as fate would have it, I received my score and it was 94.95. I had worked the hardest I could, studying after school until late at night, all weekend, not going out with friends, seeing a tutor on the weekend and still managed to fall short by 0.05. Because I had deeply ingrained my fathers expectations of me, I felt like a failure when I should have been celebrating.
Another strong desire of my Fathers was that one of his children would become doctors. His eldest son (my half brother) was already undertaking a degree in biotechnology by the time I entered high school and had made it clear that medicine was not for him. As a result, I became the focus for his hope of one of his children becoming a doctor. Now as a defiant teenager I decided that I would follow my own desires and do a degree in psychology to become a psychologist, which did not impress him too much. However, I found that even with my university marks, I was getting my results, showing my Dad and trying to gain his approval. Never once has he said he is proud of me (more into this later, I don't hate my Dad, it just took a number of years for me to learn about Sri Lankan culture and the way children are treated, which is almost in the opposite ways to which Western fathers treat their children, and to be ok with this).
I've read about epiphanies, but never had one until I went to my interview for clinical masters in Psychology, the course I would need to complete to become a registered psychologist. Now despite my bitching, medicine had been on my mind for a long time, however, I didn't want to do it to make my Dad happy, and simultaneously lacked self confidence within myself to get into the course. I went to a school where all of my friends received the highest marks possible in year 12, and they were the ones who got into medicine. The five point difference between them and me seemed like an ocean. Anyways back to the epiphany. I see a lot of kids, and I try to explain the importance of ignoring others expectations, but at the same time knowing when I was their age I felt exactly the same and that it took a lot of therapy and self development for me to reach this point in life. I decided on the day of my interview, that I wanted to pursue medicine, not psychology. I decided that from this point on, I would support myself financially and do everything in my power to pass the entrance test into medicine. I decided that everything I achieved from now on, I would do it for myself only, and the only person's expectations I would try to meet would be my own. I believe that by doing this, I set myself free from parental expectations, and can now thoroughly enjoy my success as I know it was all my own. I wasn't relying on my parents to fund me in an expensive school and therefore I didnt owe them anything.
Now, I could say it was an epiphany, but at the same time I know psychologically what it really was. I had attended a lot of therapy in the last years to monitor my negative thoughts and expectations about myself and learn ways to handle these. That was my true success, I rewired my brain to turn negative thoughts into positive thoughts which eventuated into a real belief in myself. Did it work? Well I think so. The entrance test into medicine required me to learn first year uni level physics, bio and chem, all subjects I had received C's for in school and thus refused to do at the higher levels. I learnt these subjects online (thanks to khanacademy.org) and received a good score in the test, however I was slightly lower in the science section which meant that I could only apply for a few universities. However, despite this, for the first time in my life, I opened up my results and was truly happy and proud of myself. I would usually look at it as a failure as I had only got 48/50 but no shit I turned into a 'glass half full' gal and thought 'wow I'm only 2 points off the pass mark.' I applied to the university which would consider my mark and my application 1820 applicants to gain an interview. There were 180 interviews and 112 spots, I had my interview a couple of weeks ago so keep those fingers crossed people. But you know what, if I don't get in, I know I'll be ok and that I will try again.
So there is a story about expectations. Believe in yourself and create your own goals. Its your life and you're the one who has to live it everyday so don't spend it trying to make other people happy. To quote Steve Jobs (whom I am in two minds about but hell was he a good public speaker)
Adios for now.
Our society and other people's expectations (particularly in my own situation) often drive a person to want to succeed. For example, my father (bless his soul, I give him a fair amount of grief but I love him) is of a Sri Lankan background. For anyone who knows anything about Asian fathers (or perhaps may have gained some recent insight into this from the recent Glee episode where Mike Chang received an A- which is the equivalent of an "Asian F"), then you know that unless you are a doctor or a lawyer, you're no one. Literally unless you receive an A, you may have well as received an F. So when I was 12 years old I went off to boarding school at a very academic school. Now this was a major shock for me, I'd always been academic but this was a whole new level of academia. In my first report, despite struggling big time, I managed to get a report of A's and B's. Which in a majority of families, the parents may have been quite happy with, especially given the massive life change I had recently undertaken. Well in my Dad's eyes, I was failing miserably, and unfortunately at this point in his life, he hadn't mastered how to hide these inner feelings of disappointment (luckily for my youngest brother, I learnt that an old dog can in fact learn new tricks). So I remember this point in time after my report had been received by my parents, and my Dad was not happy. He asked me to go for a walk with him, which I knew meant trouble. As we walked around the golf course, my Dad explained that the school I was attending was a very expensive one, and that he wouldn't see that he had got his moneys worth unless I received a score of 95 (so essentially 95% or more). Now being the influential type I was, I held onto this statement and did not let it go for a long time. I also suffered from ADHD and until I was diagnosed and treated, I struggled with motivation and attention which reflected in my marks despite my best efforts. At the end of year 12, as fate would have it, I received my score and it was 94.95. I had worked the hardest I could, studying after school until late at night, all weekend, not going out with friends, seeing a tutor on the weekend and still managed to fall short by 0.05. Because I had deeply ingrained my fathers expectations of me, I felt like a failure when I should have been celebrating.
Another strong desire of my Fathers was that one of his children would become doctors. His eldest son (my half brother) was already undertaking a degree in biotechnology by the time I entered high school and had made it clear that medicine was not for him. As a result, I became the focus for his hope of one of his children becoming a doctor. Now as a defiant teenager I decided that I would follow my own desires and do a degree in psychology to become a psychologist, which did not impress him too much. However, I found that even with my university marks, I was getting my results, showing my Dad and trying to gain his approval. Never once has he said he is proud of me (more into this later, I don't hate my Dad, it just took a number of years for me to learn about Sri Lankan culture and the way children are treated, which is almost in the opposite ways to which Western fathers treat their children, and to be ok with this).
I've read about epiphanies, but never had one until I went to my interview for clinical masters in Psychology, the course I would need to complete to become a registered psychologist. Now despite my bitching, medicine had been on my mind for a long time, however, I didn't want to do it to make my Dad happy, and simultaneously lacked self confidence within myself to get into the course. I went to a school where all of my friends received the highest marks possible in year 12, and they were the ones who got into medicine. The five point difference between them and me seemed like an ocean. Anyways back to the epiphany. I see a lot of kids, and I try to explain the importance of ignoring others expectations, but at the same time knowing when I was their age I felt exactly the same and that it took a lot of therapy and self development for me to reach this point in life. I decided on the day of my interview, that I wanted to pursue medicine, not psychology. I decided that from this point on, I would support myself financially and do everything in my power to pass the entrance test into medicine. I decided that everything I achieved from now on, I would do it for myself only, and the only person's expectations I would try to meet would be my own. I believe that by doing this, I set myself free from parental expectations, and can now thoroughly enjoy my success as I know it was all my own. I wasn't relying on my parents to fund me in an expensive school and therefore I didnt owe them anything.
Now, I could say it was an epiphany, but at the same time I know psychologically what it really was. I had attended a lot of therapy in the last years to monitor my negative thoughts and expectations about myself and learn ways to handle these. That was my true success, I rewired my brain to turn negative thoughts into positive thoughts which eventuated into a real belief in myself. Did it work? Well I think so. The entrance test into medicine required me to learn first year uni level physics, bio and chem, all subjects I had received C's for in school and thus refused to do at the higher levels. I learnt these subjects online (thanks to khanacademy.org) and received a good score in the test, however I was slightly lower in the science section which meant that I could only apply for a few universities. However, despite this, for the first time in my life, I opened up my results and was truly happy and proud of myself. I would usually look at it as a failure as I had only got 48/50 but no shit I turned into a 'glass half full' gal and thought 'wow I'm only 2 points off the pass mark.' I applied to the university which would consider my mark and my application 1820 applicants to gain an interview. There were 180 interviews and 112 spots, I had my interview a couple of weeks ago so keep those fingers crossed people. But you know what, if I don't get in, I know I'll be ok and that I will try again.
So there is a story about expectations. Believe in yourself and create your own goals. Its your life and you're the one who has to live it everyday so don't spend it trying to make other people happy. To quote Steve Jobs (whom I am in two minds about but hell was he a good public speaker)
"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."
Adios for now.
Tuesday 18 October 2011
Rumours rumours rumours (wish I loved them as much as I love the CD) Alas here is the goss you've been waiting for!!!
Yes I am feeling overly enthusiastic today and decided to do two posts in one. Mainly because I'm slightly bored at work and instead of writing case notes am going to rant on to cyberspace about the injustice I felt a few weeks ago.
I would say since moving to the country (population 17,000) I have tried to "stay out the limelight." Now I'm not some self absorbed human being who believes that people care that much about my life that they care what I'm doing, but with my father being a doctor for some reason this has elevated me to a higher social status in the town. This is despite the fact I went to boarding school at 12-17 years of age, returned home for one year in 2005 and barely visited until this year when I made the big move (why on earth would I do this? more on that later, I can't tell all my good stories in one go).
Ok so essentially I live in a town where most people know of me, I would say approximately 20 people actually know me somewhat. Now if you knew me well, you would know that my 'inner helper' seems to come out at its worst when I am drinking. Every time I seem to get on the booze, I tend to make friends with people who are often a bit different. And I say this in the best way possible, they are people who might be in a minority who I really want to help, but most of the time, have no idea how to do so, so when I'm drunk I decide this is the night to do it. I will post some pics of my past new friends I have met, they are all wonderful and if I do hope to see them all again.
Ok so Im getting off topic, I tend to ramble, please dont lose interest I am getting to the point.
So not knowing alot of people in my town, I attended a function for 'young professionals' at the local pub. There was free wine there. Now one thing you must learn quickly about me is that: me + free wine = disaster. So I will cut to the chase and say I was well wasted and headed off to another local pub (with the mayor, one of my other new best friends). On entering I saw a well known man who suffers from an intellectual disability. I had never actually spoken to him but yes decided tonight was the night. I sat down and began chatting to him, he showed me some laminated cards he planned to give to women, describing himself and what he was looking for in a relationship, because he was too shy to speak to women. This broke my heart in half and from that moment I adopted this man to be my friend. We talked, drank and danced. This is where the trouble began. At the end of the night I walked him to his house to make sure he was ok (again the helper complex), caught a taxi and went home. End of story. What a lovely person I am, blah blah. Right? No. Not right at all.
Keep in mind that I have one good friend in this town, I spend my weekends watching movies and drinking red wine with my 15 year old brother. So approximately a week later I get a call from my one friend asking me if I had been "making out with (I will call him Bob), on the dance floor." To which I was shocked, took a trip back through memory lane and firmly stated that no this was not the case. He told me it had been told to him by 6 people and was circulating the rumour mill. I get to work at the school the next day and the chef (who is relatively new to town) asks me if I "slept with Bob" as people saw me go home with him. My first question was, why were people late on a Friday night going outside and watching me walk home.... I'm still to figure out the answer to that question. My second was like, come on dude, really? do you actually think I would do that?? well apparently people do think I would do that.... fair enough!
Now this is the point where you say, "well what do you care about what these people think about you", to which I respond, I don't, but I like my job and plan to keep it. I know the importance of a good reputation in healthcare, and this 'harmless gossip' could have had some influence on my career. Yes I know you think its ridiculous, but here in this town, if you are some kind of health professional, it seems people think you don't have a social life, you sit at home and read books (well I do that sometimes). I myself felt sorry for myself and considered posting a video like the one seen on 'Easy A' as I had no way of defending myself, but decided over time to let it go.
Moral of my story - people love gossip. They also enjoy seeing the downfall of people. To see me fall on my face and make a fool of myself brings glee to certain individuals and whilst this is fine, mental health services in my town are scarce. I spend my days and nights stressing about how to help people in this town and to have this form of 'bad press' well to tell you the truth pisses me right off.
Alas, as I tend to do in life, when I fail at things or have a bad experience, I try and learn from this. Is it fair I cant go to the pub and let my hair down in fear of people judging me (and yes, people have reported they would not want me as a counsellor when they have seen me running on three drinks so lets just imagine if they see me sloshed!)?? Is it fair that when I'm trying to do a good job for the community it is thrown back in my face? I don't think so... but what I've learnt is to keep my personal life personal when it comes to work. For the love of god, this blog is probably going to make things worse, but its about time we stopped judging peoples ability to perform a job based on negative judgements. Alcohol is a wonderous thing (is that a word), how do you think surgeons relax on a Friday night after a week of brain surgery? Does this mean they are a bad surgeon..... does going out on Friday night to a party and having a few too many drinks make you a bad sales person, electrician, barmaid, receptionist, etc??? Well I would say the answer would be no, so lets try to cut the people in the health profession a bit of slack, they work hard to help you, at the very least remember, these people could be the ones saving your life, best to get them on their good side....
Most ironic thing of this whole story, I actually did do something which would be rumour worthy in the middle of the pub, did anyone see that? Apparently not.... their bad!!
Till next time.......
I would say since moving to the country (population 17,000) I have tried to "stay out the limelight." Now I'm not some self absorbed human being who believes that people care that much about my life that they care what I'm doing, but with my father being a doctor for some reason this has elevated me to a higher social status in the town. This is despite the fact I went to boarding school at 12-17 years of age, returned home for one year in 2005 and barely visited until this year when I made the big move (why on earth would I do this? more on that later, I can't tell all my good stories in one go).
Ok so essentially I live in a town where most people know of me, I would say approximately 20 people actually know me somewhat. Now if you knew me well, you would know that my 'inner helper' seems to come out at its worst when I am drinking. Every time I seem to get on the booze, I tend to make friends with people who are often a bit different. And I say this in the best way possible, they are people who might be in a minority who I really want to help, but most of the time, have no idea how to do so, so when I'm drunk I decide this is the night to do it. I will post some pics of my past new friends I have met, they are all wonderful and if I do hope to see them all again.
Ok so Im getting off topic, I tend to ramble, please dont lose interest I am getting to the point.
So not knowing alot of people in my town, I attended a function for 'young professionals' at the local pub. There was free wine there. Now one thing you must learn quickly about me is that: me + free wine = disaster. So I will cut to the chase and say I was well wasted and headed off to another local pub (with the mayor, one of my other new best friends). On entering I saw a well known man who suffers from an intellectual disability. I had never actually spoken to him but yes decided tonight was the night. I sat down and began chatting to him, he showed me some laminated cards he planned to give to women, describing himself and what he was looking for in a relationship, because he was too shy to speak to women. This broke my heart in half and from that moment I adopted this man to be my friend. We talked, drank and danced. This is where the trouble began. At the end of the night I walked him to his house to make sure he was ok (again the helper complex), caught a taxi and went home. End of story. What a lovely person I am, blah blah. Right? No. Not right at all.
Keep in mind that I have one good friend in this town, I spend my weekends watching movies and drinking red wine with my 15 year old brother. So approximately a week later I get a call from my one friend asking me if I had been "making out with (I will call him Bob), on the dance floor." To which I was shocked, took a trip back through memory lane and firmly stated that no this was not the case. He told me it had been told to him by 6 people and was circulating the rumour mill. I get to work at the school the next day and the chef (who is relatively new to town) asks me if I "slept with Bob" as people saw me go home with him. My first question was, why were people late on a Friday night going outside and watching me walk home.... I'm still to figure out the answer to that question. My second was like, come on dude, really? do you actually think I would do that?? well apparently people do think I would do that.... fair enough!
Now this is the point where you say, "well what do you care about what these people think about you", to which I respond, I don't, but I like my job and plan to keep it. I know the importance of a good reputation in healthcare, and this 'harmless gossip' could have had some influence on my career. Yes I know you think its ridiculous, but here in this town, if you are some kind of health professional, it seems people think you don't have a social life, you sit at home and read books (well I do that sometimes). I myself felt sorry for myself and considered posting a video like the one seen on 'Easy A' as I had no way of defending myself, but decided over time to let it go.
Moral of my story - people love gossip. They also enjoy seeing the downfall of people. To see me fall on my face and make a fool of myself brings glee to certain individuals and whilst this is fine, mental health services in my town are scarce. I spend my days and nights stressing about how to help people in this town and to have this form of 'bad press' well to tell you the truth pisses me right off.
Alas, as I tend to do in life, when I fail at things or have a bad experience, I try and learn from this. Is it fair I cant go to the pub and let my hair down in fear of people judging me (and yes, people have reported they would not want me as a counsellor when they have seen me running on three drinks so lets just imagine if they see me sloshed!)?? Is it fair that when I'm trying to do a good job for the community it is thrown back in my face? I don't think so... but what I've learnt is to keep my personal life personal when it comes to work. For the love of god, this blog is probably going to make things worse, but its about time we stopped judging peoples ability to perform a job based on negative judgements. Alcohol is a wonderous thing (is that a word), how do you think surgeons relax on a Friday night after a week of brain surgery? Does this mean they are a bad surgeon..... does going out on Friday night to a party and having a few too many drinks make you a bad sales person, electrician, barmaid, receptionist, etc??? Well I would say the answer would be no, so lets try to cut the people in the health profession a bit of slack, they work hard to help you, at the very least remember, these people could be the ones saving your life, best to get them on their good side....
Most ironic thing of this whole story, I actually did do something which would be rumour worthy in the middle of the pub, did anyone see that? Apparently not.... their bad!!
Till next time.......
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